Begin Again
by NewMoon02
Summary: Bella rethinks her wish of becoming a vampire and realizes she wants a human life - Jacob Black included.
1. Miser of their Memories

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters or the Twilight series. All belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 1**

_Miser of Their Memories_

Jacob Black

It's been three weeks since the wedding. Three weeks in which Jacob Black has been trying to run away – _again -_ from the pain that has been etched into his heart. He can't run away from that but he's too stubborn to care. He can't stop thinking about her even though he tries to avoid that on a constant basis. He hates himself for how things ended with Bella at the wedding. It could be the last time Jacob saw her _alive _and in those last moments he was dying to kill "the bloodsucker" and afraid to hurt her. He can't believe, doesn't want to believe, that "Bella and the leech are shacking up" together somewhere.

_Life sucks, and then you die.  
Yeah I should be so lucky._

The thoughts were bouncing around his skull like hornets and they were stinging him again and again. _How will the family explain the disappearance of the newlyweds, plane crash? Would the leeches kill off a few innocent people for authenticity? What if in his attempt to 'get some' he kills her? Or he's unsuccessful in his attempt to turn her? What would the excuse be? A mugging gone wrong? A car accident, like my mom? Happens all the time! I could only hope he returns to Forks, so when I show up he can be within my reach. But would the whole family just up and leave without a trace? It would be tricky to find them but I have forever to look._

Jacob's reverie was interrupted by someone joining his thoughts.

_Jake they aren't our enemies._ Seth thought.

_Shut up, kid! Just cause you've got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn't change the law. They are our enemies. I don't care if you had fun fighting alongside Edward Cullen once upon a time._

_Why does it matter, you're not even here? _ Seth asked.

_You know I'll come back eventually. _Jacob thought.

_What are you going to do when Bella fights with them, Jacob? Huh? _Seth demanded.

_She's not Bella anymore._

_You gonna be the one to take her down?_

Jacob couldn't help but wince mentally and physically at the idea.

_No you're not. So, what? You gonna make one of us do it? And then hold a grudge against whoever it is forever?_

_I wouldn't…_

_Sure you won't. You're not ready for this fight Jacob._

_Great here comes another one. What's this one gonna say that I haven't heard already…_

_ENOUGH! _Sam commanded without the Alpha authority.

_Just get it over with Sam. Tell me 'I'm being unreasonable, stupid, suicidal…'._

_I'm not here to argue with you Jake. _Sam thought.

That's when Jacob saw it.

_What was _that_ Sam? _Jacob growled.

_Uh oh, Oh… I…I think I hear my mom um bye. _Seth thoughts faded off as he phased back into human form.

* * *

_**The Previous Day**_

Charlie Swan

Another day has begun without his little girl, who is not so much a girl anymore. She's off on her honeymoon with Edward Cullen. He groaned at the idea and quickly pushed it away. Although he doesn't like the kid so much he takes _a little_ comfort in knowing that Bella's happy and that Edward makes her happy.

Even though she lived with him for less than two years he had grown used to and thoroughly enjoyed her living with him. When she put her foot down when she was fourteen and insisted on meeting up in California for two weeks, it hurt him. He wasn't sure if they would ever spend more time than that together and that over time the time they shared together would probably lessen. When Bella brought up that she wanted to come live with him he was ecstatic. Now, he's going to miss her terribly.

Charlie could be out on the water fishing with Billy to pass the time. Except ever since Billy's son left again Charlie's been waiting to hear something – anything – from anyone about Jacob's whereabouts. Charlie is on call at all hours. He's put up signs all over town and in nearby cities. It bothers him how Billy can just brush it off and say "He's an adult, he can take care of himself." Charlie has watched Jacob grow up _a lot_ and considers Jacob as the son he never had.

Deep down, he wishes that Bella would have wanted a life with Jacob.

_Knock, knock._

Charlie was startled by the unexpected knock. When he got off the couch to make his way to the door and then opened it; he was shocked by who he saw.

Edward and Bella, he immediately realized that Bella looked as though she had been crying and Edward's expression was distressed.

"What's wrong, Bella? What happened?" Charlie said concerned with a twinge of an after thought he added, _maybe I should get my gun_

Bella didn't look at him or even in his direction. She had her arms crossed and the way she was carrying herself reminded Charlie of a time not so long ago.

"What did you do to her?" he yelled at Edward.

"Mr. Swan, we had an argument. We thought it would be best to… separate for the time being."

"Bella come inside." Edward put his hand against her back to lightly force her to walk. "Edward I'd like you to leave." Charlie exclaimed.

"Dad!" Bella cried but Edward only nodded and handed her bags to Charlie. He turned around and walked away.

Bella ran upstairs to her room.

Charlie was furious.

That night Charlie tried calling the Cullen's a few times without any answers. He called Billy to see if Jacob had come back and was unsurprised by the answer, "No." Charlie didn't feel like mentioning that Bella was back. With what happened between the two kids he didn't want to upset Billy.

Charlie hoped that Jacob would come back soon; he had helped her slightly last time maybe he could this time. He wondered if what had happened between the two of them the last few months would stop Jacob from being there for her. All Charlie knows is that he doesn't want a repeat of _that_.

Just after Bella's eighteenth birthday last year the Cullen's left for Los Angeles (or so the people on the outside of the Cullen's secret were lead to believe) without any prior notice. For a reason unknown to Charlie, Edward left Bella in the forest just outside the house. She was missing until the early morning hours because she 'got lost'. Charlie will forever be indebted toward all the members of the community who helped find his daughter, especially to Sam Uley who was the person who actually found her and brought her back home. She was exhausted and heartbroken. Edward never told her about Dr. Cullen getting a job offer he couldn't refuse and to this day that still puzzles Charlie. He was never able to get over what happened and now he wishes he done more to keep things from getting to this point.

Charlie tried calling the Cullen's one last time for the night and again there was no answer. Helpless and anxious he sat on the couch, sighed, and rested his head in his hands. Then he heard the door to Bella's room open. Bella walked down a few steps and looked like hell as Charlie got up to stand on the end of the stairs.

"Bells, you okay?" A slight grimace appeared when he called her 'Bells' and she sighed.

"Can you call Jake?" She said in a weak, scratchy voice that was caused by her cries.

"I'll try in the morning but honey, he… left again shortly after…" he stopped when he saw the pained look on her face and tried to head up to her but she had already ran into her room. He continued up the stairs and walked to her bedroom door. He heard her cries and felt completely powerless. He stood there contemplating what to do or say but cursed himself as he walked into his room.

Charlie didn't get much sleep. He could hear Bella as she cried herself to sleep. He wishes he could go back in to time to change something –anything- that caused all this pain for his little girl.

That morning Charlie waited for a decent hour to begin his calls. Charlie decided to call the Cullen's first, no answer. Then he tried the Black's, no answer there either. He called Sue Clearwater but she said she hadn't seen Billy since yesterday. Charlie knew that Billy must have been in La Push somewhere. He called a few numbers, with no luck, before calling Sam Uley.

* * *

Sam Uley

Sam had another night of patrolling the border of La Push. Ever since Jacob left, the guys have had to work a little harder and longer. Sam was constantly telling Jacob that things weren't going to end well for Bella and him but Jacob didn't listen. Sam unfortunately knew a situation like that. When he imprinted on Emily he was in a relationship with her cousin Leah Clearwater. Things became difficult with Leah and ever since Leah joined the pack – well let's just say things were much better before that.

The sound of Emily setting a cup of coffee on the table brought Sam out of his abstraction.

"Long night?" she asked.

"Yeah." He took a sip.

"You alright?" she asked sitting down.

Sam sighed "Just worried about Jake." He set the cup down.

"I'm sure he'll come around. He needs time. It's a lot for him to take in."

"I know. It's… he was in a fight the other day. He crossed paths with a blood drinker that almost killed him. Took him over a day to heal. He was lucky the thing was alone and was able to get rid of it or he would have been a goner. If I couldn't get into his head I would think he wanted to die. Maybe he does but he's good at hiding it. I don't know." He set his cup down to lean back and ran his hand through his hair,"It's just hard to watch."

Emily placed a hand on the hand he had on the table. He looked her in the eyes and smiled lightly.

They were startled when the phone rang. Sam got up to answer it.

"Sam Uley speaking..."

"Hello Sam. It's Charlie. I hope I didn't call you too early."

"No Charlie, I was up already." Sam started to wonder why he was calling. _Could it be…? _Emily came to stand next to Sam a wondering expression on her face.

"Have you seen Billy?" he asked.

"I talked to him on the phone last night. He was going to see the doctor this morning."

"Okay. Have you heard anything from _Jacob_?" Sam noticed that Charlie's voice turned to a whisper when he said the name.

"No I haven't."

Charlie sighed.

Sam swallowed. "Is something going on Charlie?"

"Well," he paused before he began whispering again. "It's Bella." Sam's blood began to boil. He knew that this was going to occur and that Bella wanted this to happen. He was never sure when or how he would feel about it, besides the obvious urge to attack. He was surprised that he wasn't sure who he wanted to attack.

He looked at Emily who was obviously concerned about the conversation. "Is Bella alright?" Emily set her hand on his arm that was holding the phone. He moved his free hand and placed it on her hand.

"You remember last year? When you found her in the woods?" he said still whispering. Sam was bewildered by the unexpected questions.

"Yeah?" Sam remembered that very clearly. He found Bella curled in a fetal position in the woods outside her house. She looked like someone died – like she was dying. The images still bother him to this day.

"Bella came home yesterday. Edward dropped her off. She's been crying and sleeping ever since… I don't know what to do." Sam mentally questioned, Crying? Sleeping in Charlie's house? Is… is she still human?

"I don't understand Charlie."

"Bella was asking for Jacob. Do you think you could come over? Maybe you can help… I don't know."

"Sure Charlie I'll be right there." Charlie hung up. Sam stood there for a moment, not sure what to think.

"Sam what happened? Is Bella…?" Emily asked as she took the phone from Sam to hang it up.

"I don't know. It seems she's still human but something happened. Charlie's comparing this to that day I found her." He looked at her. "I have to go to Charlie's, will you be okay?" She rolled her eyes and nodded. He kissed her face and scars gently before kissing her lips. "I love you." She smiled. "I love you too."

Sam hurried outside and ran into the trees. He undressed and phased, he was disappointed that Jacob wasn't phased – which was rare lately_. _Sam phased back and got dressed. He ran to his truck and began the drive.

When he got there Charlie was already at the door. Sam could only smell a faint trail of a lone vampire that was probably about a day old which would mean one thing, Bella was definitely still human.

Charlie thanked him for coming and asked Sam if he wanted coffee. Sam accepted and sat at the square table in the kitchen. Sam watched as Charlie leaned against the counter. He looked worn out and worried.

"What's going on?"

Charlie sighed. "Edward brought Bella home yesterday. They both looked upset – she was crying. He said 'they got in an argument, they're separating.' Bella ran in her room when I told Edward to leave. He just nodded, left. Later on Bella came out of her room asked me if I could call Jake. I said 'I'll try but sorry honey he ran away.'" He shook his head and sighed."The look on her face when I said that…killed me." He rubbed his hand against his forehead." I have clue what's going on. I've called the Cullen's 20-30 times, they're not answering. I don't think they've left. At least Dr. Cullen is still here since I haven't heard from anyone about the hospital being short a doctor. It pisses me off. I feel so powerless."

"Do you want me to try to talk to her? Figure this out?"

"If you don't mind? I just don't know when Jacob's coming back. You're his friend, maybe that'll be enough for her."

Sam nodded. He wasn't exactly sure what to do but he'd give it a try.

He walked upstairs and knocked on her door. He could hear her roll over in bed.

"Bella its Sam." He heard her sigh. He looked over his shoulder and realized Charlie turned a game on.

He spoke loud enough that he knew she would hear but not enough that Charlie would "Bella, I don't know for sure I'll be able to get Jake here and it'll be harder if I don't give him any answers."

He heard her get up but she wasn't walking toward the door. She shuffled through papers and wrote something down. He listened as she walked to the door. He expected her to open it but then heard something at his feet. He looked down to see a paper. He picked it up.

I'm alive and I'm getting divorced.  
I will answer more questions when he gets here.

"I'm not sure where he's at and he doesn't either. It may take a few days, maybe weeks."

"Okay." Bella said from the other side of the door. Her voice was jarred.

Sam considered asking about the Cullen's – to see if they were leaving but thought better of it. "Is there anything else?"

"No."

Sam sighed as he put the note in his back pocket. He contemplated for a moment. "Bella, if he comes back I think it'd be best to be inconspicuous about it at first – try to keep him in La Push." He paused not sure if he should continue but it would make Emily happy, "Emily would like to see you. You're welcome to come by – if you want." When she didn't move or say anything he retreated downstairs.

Charlie looked at Sam with hope in his eyes. Sam said "I tried talking to her but she didn't say anything." It wasn't exactly a lie but Sam felt bad when he saw Charlie's expression become anxious.

Charlie sighed. "Thank you for coming - trying."

"No problem, Charlie."

They shook hands and Sam headed back home. He decided to talk to Emily before he said anything to Jacob. They sat down on their couch. She listened to the story.

"I would guess she had a change of heart. It's hard to know with Bella though." She sighed. "There are a lot of questions to be answered." Now she laughed softly, "Thank you for inviting her over." Sam kissed her before heading to the tree line in the back yard.

Sam phased to find Jacob arguing with Seth.

_ENOUGH!_

_Just get it over with Sam. Tell me 'I'm being unreasonable, stupid, suicidal... _Jacob thought disparagingly.

Sam interrupted _I'm not here to argue with you Jake. _Sam's mind went through what happened that day: Charlie's phone call, Bella's note, Charlie's anxious face.

_What was _that_ Sam? _Jacob growled.

_Uh oh, Oh… I…I think I hear my mom um bye. _Seth thoughts faded off.

_Look I have no idea what's going on here. You better get your ass back here soon._

_Why should I exactly? _Jacob was holding back hope.

_I can't tell you what could be going on with Bella, but she's upset about something. I know you're history with her as of late hasn't been the healthiest but I think she needs you. _Jacob suppressed the hope that was building so Sam continued._ We have no way of knowing what the Cullen's are up to. We need _all_ of our men just in case._

Jacob wasn't sure what to expect but if he could at least protect Bella from becoming one of _them _he would do it_._ Jacob pushed his paws faster than he ever has before. For the first time in weeks Sam saw hope and determination in Jacob that wasn't based on the natural instinct for self-preservation from their enemies.

* * *

_**R&R  
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	2. A New Dawn

**Chapter 2**

_A New Dawn_

Bella Cullen

Three weeks ago Bella married Edward Cullen in a lavish ceremony in Forks, Washington. The wedding was planned by her now sister-in-law, Alice Cullen. Bella doesn't want to think about what the town has to say about a marriage between an eighteen year old girl and a forever seventeen year old boy - minus a select few, the town knows nothing about that last detail but they all still know he is young. The fact that they're currently on a honeymoon could get people expecting Bella to show up pregnant. Bella and Edward assume that could never happen between a human and a vampire but have taken precautions to keep that from happening.

Bella jolted upright in the bed located in the blue room at the house on Island Esme, she was feeling unusually hot. It reminded her of a time she shared a sleeping bag with her best friend – or ex-best friend – before the fight against the newborn army created by Victoria who was out to kill her since Edward killed her partner, James, who was also trying to kill Bella. Bella has often been referred to as a danger magnet. Bella frowned at the memories and put them in the little box in her subconscious.

Bella felt around the bed for Edward but stopped when her fingers encountered something smooth, flat, and stiff. She got up to turn on the light. The note was addressed to Mrs. Cullen and read "I'm hunting, I'll be back soon, go back to sleep I'll be back before you wake up in the morning."

She sighed. It was to be expected. Today is a big day. It will be the beginning of Bella's forever.

Bella walked to the kitchen for a glass of water to help herself cool down. She took the cup and sat down at the table. Her mind went back to Jacob Black. She remembered seeing him at the wedding. He was trying so hard to make her happy. She had to make the mistake of mentioning she would be having a real honeymoon with Edward as a _human_. Jacob was furious.

Bella began wondering if she would ever see Jacob again. _If we did, _would_ things be different? Difficult? Would he want to attack me?_ Bella shuddered at the thought and she quickly shook her head to remove that notion from her mind. She chugged the rest of the water and set the cup in the sink. She made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and went to lie down in bed.

_With Edward and Laurent at Bella's side they stepped out into the last fringe of ferns into a small, bright, perfectly round and familiar meadow. They could hear the sounds of a nearby stream, the wind blowing, trees swaying in the breeze and they could make out all of the magnificent colors of the surrounding foliage. They continued moving gracefully for a few feet when growls from deep in the forest stopped them in their tracks._

_A group of five horse-sized wolves flashed into view galloping toward them. Human eyes wouldn't have even detected anything but with the acute senses that accompany being a vampire the three of them had no trouble. They were just waiting._

"_They're out for revenge." Edward growled._

"_Because you turned Bella?" Laurent asked._

_Edward nodded once keeping his eyes focused straight ahead._

_The wolves stopped moving as soon as they were in the meadow. Being in the presents of vampires simultaneously caused their hackles to rise, they pulled their muzzles back to reveal sharp teeth, and growls filled the air from deep in their forms._

_Bella eyed each one until her sight laid upon the familiar russet colored wolf that stood just behind the tall, dark as night wolf – the leader, Sam Uley. Jacob was glaring at Edward whose eyes were brazen. Edward crouched into a defensive stance and the pack charged toward them. Bella snarled and Laurent mirrored Edward's posture. Jacob and Bella's eyes met at the same time and they both froze as they stared wide-eyed at each other._

_Abruptly, the wolves and Edward were gone. Now Bella was standing face to face with Laurent in the meadow. Laurent slowly walked toward her but stopped as he stared with bewildered eyes somewhere behind Bella. A shadow hovered over Bella's head and a wolf landed between her and Laurent._

_Jacob hunched his shoulders and growled angrily at the vampire standing in front of him. Jacob lunged and began shredding the vampire to pieces. When Jacob was satisfied with the result of the attack he looked back at Bella and his mouth pulled back and his tongue lolled out in a wolfy grin. Jacob's eyes shot to the left and in a movement to fast for Bella's human eyes he was sent flying into a tree. Bella stared in horror of what had taken Jacob's place in front of her. Edward. Bella yanked her eyes from Edward to Jacob. He had landed on the ground whimpering and limp._

_She screamed._

Bella's eyes shot open and her chest began heaving in an effort to bring air into her lungs.

"Bella love, are you alright?" Edward asked in an anxious voice as he pulled Bella against his chest.

"Yeah, it was just a bad dream." She rested her face against his cold, solid chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked as he rubbed his hand against her hair.

"No." she said.

Edward began to hum Bella's Lullaby and she slowly went to sleep.

Bella woke up to the delightful aroma of what smelled like it could be coming from the kitchen. She sat up and took a big whiff of the air and sighed contently. As she stretched her arms over he head the door opened. Edward walked in with Bella's favorite crooked smile and a tray with a bounty of pancakes, eggs, toast, sliced fruits, sausage, and a glass of milk.

"Did you make all of this?" She asked astonished.

Edward smiled and nodded.

"Thank you Edward." She grinned. Edward kissed her on the forehead and whispered "Enjoy".

Bella ate as much as her stomach could hold. Edward was satisfied with his work as it was obvious she enjoyed the breakfast. He took the tray to the kitchen and put the dishes in the sink and washed them. Bella took the time to shower and get dressed. When she was finished she stood at the double doors looking out as the sun reflected against the waves in the ocean. Bella bit her lip and fought back tears as she thought about everything she was giving up: her parents, her friends, her personal sun.

"Are you sure about today?" Edward asked when he stood by her side.

"Yes I am." She answered a little too soon.

Edward stood in front of her. "We can wait you know."

"Edward I want this." She said with a smile. For so long she's known the answer but now that the day was upon her, Bella found that she was uncertain with the decision to join Edward for the rest of their existence. She inwardly winced at the thought of her doubt but masked it by kissing him hoping that he would think her lie-induced blush was a result of the kiss.

"I'm ready." Bella assumed it was just her nerves that were making her feel wary. She stubbornly hoped her skepticism would be silenced once she was past the point of no return. This was in fact what she wanted since she fell in love with Edward Cullen.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes." She whispered.

Edward picked her up honeymoon style and laid her on the bed. He positioned his body to face her and hovered by her side. He lightly swept her hair away from her neck with his cold granite-like fingers and pressed his lips on her neck in a kiss. Bella stayed motionless while her mind became a jumbled mess of nothing. Her eyes closed.

"I love you forever, Bella." Edward whispered against her neck.

"I love you forever, Edward." She mumbled.

Bella felt his cool breath against her neck and he placed his cold hand against her cheek furthest from him. Edward lightly kissed her neck and trailed kisses down to her shoulder and back up to her neck. _Forever. Forever. Forever. Forever._ Bella felt her defenses crashing down, she couldn't move her body and she was crushed with thoughts of all that she would leave behind with her new life. Renée, Charlie, Phoenix, Jacob, Angela, Forks, Jacob's smile, Renée, Billy, Phil, Jacob's wolfy grin, Charlie, Jacob's pain, Renée, the wolf pack, Jacob's lying limp in his wolf form from her dream, Edward standing in his place in that dream, her kiss with Jacob before the newborn attack, the life she saw with that kiss. Her heart ached.

"Stop! Don't!" Bella cried. Her fears and doubts overwhelmed her and she squeezed her eyes hoping to stop the pain. She wasn't sure what was happening; this pain felt nothing like what she encountered when James bit her and it was nothing like the pain she felt when Edward left her. This was overpowering, she felt it through her whole body. Her tearful sobs intensified and she clenched the sheets underneath her.

Bella finally relaxed enough to open her eyes. She looked around the bed and saw that Edward wasn't there anymore. She sat up and she surveyed the room to find that she was alone. Bella wasn't sure how long she had been laying there; she looked down at her hands but didn't see any differences. Bella clumsily got off the bed, bumping her knee against the side table in the process, and walked into the bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror caused her a deal of repugnance. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were blood shot, and tear-covered cheeks shimmered in the light. Hoping that it would help, Bella rinsed her face with water and brushed her hair. It improved her appearance slightly but her eyes were puffy and still red. She sighed.

As she stepped out into the bedroom there was still no sign of Edward. When she walked around the house she couldn't find him anywhere. Bella made her way outside but there was still no indication that he was nearby. He didn't respond or appear when she called his name a dozen times. Bella began to worry about what happened. Her thoughts in that moment confused her and she didn't know what happened to Edward. _Where is he? Was he deterred by my rejection? Was this all a mistake? I don't want to believe that._

She paced until her legs were tired and she went into the living room to sit on the couch. She grabbed a pillow that was leaning against the arm rest and the tears poured again. She wasn't sure what was happening but she was suffering. Her mind was going back to Jacob, her parents and her whole body ached. She curled up on the couch. She pushed herself up at the sound of a pained voice coming from behind her.

* * *

Edward Cullen

Edward moved at an inhuman speed away from Bella and out of the house.

There he stood in the woods outside of the beach house in complete faineance, physically at least, his mind was working a mile a minute as he went over the events of the last hour.

Edward felt completely devastated by what happened. He didn't mind that Bella didn't want to become like him, he could handle that. That was what he had always wanted for her ever since he met her and fell in love with her. In different circumstances he also would have openly embraced the fact that somehow – miraculously - he was able to access her mind just before he was about to bite her. The images he saw were the problem. Edward was raging internally thinking about the images of the mutt going through her mind. He never knew she saw her life with_ him_.

He thought that this was what she wanted. She begged to be with him forever, to join his family. The monster inside him wanted desperately to come out but Edward fought it. The person he wanted to attack was miles away. He released the rest of the fury by punching a nearby rock. He heard Bella screaming his name but tried to disregard the calls.

Without a completely conscious effort Edward made his way from the inner bosk to the living room of the house. Bella was lying on the couch clutching a pillow, crying.

"Bella." Edward said, his voice rustled. She sat up and looked in his direction but didn't meet his gaze. He was slightly disappointed he couldn't hear her thoughts but was also relieved that he could not.

"Edward I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry." She moved her eyes to her hands that were clutching the pillow and she closed her eyes trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I think I can guess." He said bitterly.

"What?" she asked bewildered. Her eyes met his gaze.

"I saw into your mind. Don't ask me how, I do not know. Your _thoughts _as I was about to turn you_,_" he sneered. "Having children with the _mutt_._" _Edward joined Bella on the couch as a thought occurred to him and his demeanor change into concern "Is that what you want, Bella? Children?" He asked trying to read the look in her eyes. Bella was taken off-guard by the words she spoke and her eyes widened for a second. "No. I-I don't know what I want." She said ambiguously.

Edward sighed. "Oh. I see. That's not what you mean." He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

"Edward…" She went to place her hand on his arm but pulled back.

"Please Bella don't." He stood up and walked into another room.

* * *

Bella Cullen

Bella cried uncontrollably. All she does is hurt the ones she loves. She thought she had done all the damage she could do but this was catastrophic. _I'm the worst kind of monster._ She thought repeatedly.

"Bella, pack your things." Edward said.

"Where are we going?" She asked surprised as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"I'm taking you home." He answered walking toward the door and went outside.

Bella hurried to the bedroom and threw whatever she owned that was lying around in her bag. Tears kept falling and her pain overcame her. Bella collapsed onto her knees and put her hands over her face. She was about to fall forward when Edward's cold arms wrapped around her and pulled her toward him. She rested her head on his chest drenching his shirt in salty tears.

Bella longed for a different set of arms but these were enough to calm her down. Her sobs subsided and she pulled back to look at Edward. His face was emotionless but his pain was evident in his liquid topaz eyes. Bella desperately wanted to take back every thing that had occurred to relieve him of this torture, to be what she once wanted for so long.

"Bella I want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, it's all I'll ever want for you." He said with a smile that didn't touch his eyes. "I won't stand in the way of your decision. I love you. Everything we've experienced will be enough for forever." He moved his finger to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "It won't change the way I feel about you and I would-. He broke off looking away from her.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Nothing." He said curtly. He stood, bringing Bella with him.

"We need to go." Edward grabbed Bella's luggage and pulled her with him.

The return home took long, quiet, and agonizing hours. There was tension between the two of them and the flight home was the worst. They ignored looks from the other passengers. Bella was disheveled and had obviously been crying. Edward was stone-faced focusing to keep his emotions in check. He was working hard to keep the thoughts from the passengers around him out of his head. He eased marginally when they turned their attention elsewhere.

During the flight Edward made a call to Jasper asking him to pick them up, alone. Bella briefly thought about Alice and wondered if she knew. Bella assumed the whole family knew by now. She frowned and tears fell quietly. Bella's eyes meet a concerned look from a blonde, blue-eyed flight attendant. The woman who reminded Bella of Rosalie ambled toward Edward and her.

"Are you alright Mrs.?" She asked Bella.

Before Bella could speak Edward answered. "There's been a death in the family." He said grabbing Bella's hand comfortingly. Her crying intensified. The attendant apologized and went on her way.

The lengthy flight finally ended and Edward and Bella walked through the gate and a sense of equanimity came over them. A brief moment later Bella's eyes met Jasper's regard.

"Bella, Edward." Jasper greeted when they were in close proximity and Edward nodded in acknowledgment and Bella smiled lightly. They walked out to the car without a word. It was Carlisle's black Mercedes. Edward opened the passenger door for Bella. "Thank you." She said in a low, tired voice. Edward took a seat in the back.

"Are we going back to the house?" Jasper asked when he got in the driver side.

"We're dropping Bella off at Charlie's." Edward responded. Jasper nodded hesitantly. The ride was silent but soothing from the aid of Jasper. They pulled up to the Swan residence and Edward stepped out of the car and opened Bella's door. The pair walked to the front door. Edward looked back at the car, nodded and Jasper's power wore off. Bella held back the tears even though the pain was threatening to consumer her. Edward knocked.

* * *

Bella was devastated when Charlie told her Jacob was gone and she knew she was the reason. The pain tore at her heart and the tears poured out until she cried herself to sleep anymore.

She was woken up by a knock at her door. Before she could gather hope a familiar, yet undesired voice spoke.

"Bella its Sam." She sighed. "Bella, I don't know for sure I'll be able to get Jake here and it'll be harder if I don't give him any answers." She winced but decided this was probably the only way to get Jacob to come back. She stood up and walked to her desk and grabbed a pen and paper.

I'm alive and I'm getting divorced.  
I will answer more questions when he gets here.

Bella knew that Jacob would respond to that somehow. Whether it was a reaction she yearned for would be up to him. She walked to the door and pushed the note under the door.

"I'm not sure where he's at and he doesn't either. It may take a few days, maybe weeks."

"Okay." She said and regretted it as she heard her scratchy voice out loud. There was a pause. Bella was waiting for him to ask about what happened or something about whether or not the vampires would stay in town. The possibility had not occurred to her before and she grimaced at the thought.

"Is there anything else?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes because she knew he had something to say or ask about the Cullen's and said "No."

"Bella, if he comes back I think it'd be best to be inconspicuous about it at first – try to keep him in La Push." He paused, "Emily would like to see you. You're welcome to come by – if you want."

She didn't answer. She was taken by surprise by the mention of Emily. She never thought Emily would want to see her again. Bella rarely interacted with her and it felt like so long ago since she last saw or spoke to her. Bella realized she missed her too. Bella would rather not witness the displays of affection between her and Sam right now with her messed up love life and all.

Bella heard her father and Sam exchange a few, mumbled, words and waited as the door opened and closed.

As she sat down on the edge of her bed she realized she had not experienced the numbness she was succumbed to when Edward left her last time. She concluded that it was because she no longer needed him as she did then.

Bella needed Jacob since she showed up to his house with the bikes. She smiled at the memories in the garage. Although most of their time together was based on an unhealthy need to hear her lost loves voice. Jacob made her life brighter and happier. It took her a long time to grasp she was in love with him and it took her even longer to realize she truly needed him with the help of being a few seconds short of a _change_.

She would understand if he refused her after what she did to him. That wouldn't stop her from fighting tooth and nail for him though, just as he tried for her. Bella would hope it would work and hope will get her through her days until she could speak to him.

Bella walked over to her closet and took out barely touched jewelry box that she stored on the top shelf. After setting it on her desk she opened it and saw her bracelet sitting on top. It was a graduation gift from Jacob. A little tiny wooden wolf danged from it as she held it up to admire the workmanship Jacob put into the beautiful charm. Her eyes shifted to the rock that hung nearby as the sunlight coming in from the window illuminated through it. She contemplated removing it for a moment but decided to keep it. She removed the wedding ring and engagement ring and placed them in the box. She would return them later. After fastening the bracelet around her wrist she put the box back into the closet.

Instead of pushing herself into a catatonic state Bella decided to spend her time with a man who a few days ago, she was ready to never see again. Bella grabbed a few clothes and went into the bathroom for a shower. When she finished she walked downstairs and met the gaze of her obviously worried father. She mentally frowned at her behavior the last day, for her behavior since she was younger when she stopped wanting to come to Forks.

"Dad." She said.

He stood up concerned.

There was no way she could say what she needed to say to him in words. Neither of them have been so great at expressing emotions, especially in words. So Bella walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He hesitated for a moment but wrapped his arms around her. The hug was an apology of sorts. He sighed contently and they pulled away from each other. He cleared his throat and they diverted their gazes around the room.

"Are you hungry?" She asked realizing she had no clue what time of day it was.

"Of course Bells. It's about dinner time. You must be starving." He said sitting on the couch.

"Starving." She laughed as she walked into the kitchen.

* * *

**_A/N: Long chapter. I hope I didn't bore you too much. R&R._ **

**_I'm not sure how regularly I'll update for any of my stories.__I just started a new semester so I'll be busy with school, work, and personal stuff.I promise to try my best._ **

**_Also, this fanfiction was loosely inspired by a song by Colbie Caillat called "Begin Again". It's a great song, check it out._**


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